Apotheosis

March 28th would have been Donald Michael Kraig's 63rd birthday.  Although the memories of him are good, it was a fresh infusion of grief all the same.  I find it ironic that so many people, or at least people I know, have death dates so close to their birth dates.  It would seem that karma is more than just a collection of twists of fate.  Sometimes, it's just plain twisted fate.

Yet even before Don's birthday came to pass, there was a suggestion that the magical community was ignoring the "elephant in the room".  What it boils down to is, dozens of magicians performed hundreds of healing rites for Don, and he died anyway.  Well, those are indeed the facts, are they not?  The implication would seem to be then that this was a great failure for the magical community, and the belief in magic in general, but I find that conclusion to be at least a bit myopic.

As far as healing rites go, suffice it to say, "this ain't my first rodeo".  I have been on both sides of this coin that was minted in antiquity.  I have been a participant in rites which have essentially pulled lives back from beyond the veil.  I have performed multitudinous rites for people who were simply beyond my reach.  Experience, is it said, is the best teacher, and I have learned much from this particular brand of experience.

First of all, cancer is hard.  Diseases usually fall under the influenza of the malefic planets, Mars and Saturn.  The nature of cancer is when cell growth goes unbridled, the case of an afflicted Jupiter gone wild.  That's why treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation therapy are effective countermeasures.  They are basically full-frontal Martial attacks on the body, in the hopes that their effects destroy the cancer before they destroy the host.  That's also why most of the magicians I know were not only doing Solar work to improve Don's health, but Mars work to destroy the cancer.

Furthermore, this wasn't just any old cancer we were trying to get rid of.  This was stage IV pancreatic cancer.  That type of cancer alone carries a woeful survival rate, but by the time it has developed to stage IV, the chance of survival is around 1 percent.  Even if all our magical work had improved his chances ten-fold, the odds were still horribly against him.

Over and over again I've seen, when the sick are beyond curing, the energies devoted are directed then to palliative care.  Both the suffering until death, and the transition to the afterlife, are quantifiably eased.  My best friend's mother died from pancreatic cancer, and the suffering she endured in the last two weeks of her life I would not wish upon my worst enemy.  Don died peacefully and painlessly in his sleep.  That alone is a minor miracle in an of itself.

Personally, I think we as magicians have this tendency to fall into a soft narcissism that "my will be done".  There is some rationale for this, as magicians invoke and banish forces and entities at will, and also create living talismans to do much the same.  That which the magician invokes, s/he may banish, and what s/he creates, s/he may destroy.  Magicians are not the creators of other human souls, so it is folly to think that our magic can control human life and death.  Mages can appeal to the Creator to change a human fate, and that appeal may be answered.  Just as often, however, the final effect feels similar to signing an e-petition to Congress, and just as effective.

In the end, no person can change another person's time, and somehow, we need to find the grace to accept that, especially when it is time for the ones we love.  The original mythical temple of the Order of the Golden Dawn was named "Licht, Liebe, Leben", or "Light, Love, Life", and I think those words are ordered specifically for a reason.  Not only does it reflect the tripartite human composition of spirit, soul and body, but I believe it is in the order in which the magician may affect Creation.  Don received a lot of Light and a lot of Love, but we could not extend his Life.  Despite that, if he died knowing how loved and appreciated he truly was, then I say "two out of three ain't bad".

I can still remember the very first time I performed a Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram.  It was sometime in the spring of 1990, and I was on a job assignment in a small city in rural upstate New York.  I was 20 years old, so I couldn't go to the regular bars, because I could get arrested.  There was an underage bar in town, too, but once I saw all the VERY young girls hanging out there, I figured I could get arrested just as quickly there.

But perhaps the very thin social scene wouldn't have made any difference for me.  I was a smart but painfully shy guy, who could have easily been the poster child for social anxiety disorder (if such a diagnosis had existed at the time).  My small but close circle of friends were either back at college an hour and a half away, or back home two and a half hours away.  Suffice it to say, I had copious time on my hands, I wanted to do something constructive with it, and getting hooked on 21 Jump Street wasn't in concert with that agenda (although Johnny Depp was pretty good even then, but I digress).

I had already been dabbling in matters esoteric for a number of years by then.  Astrology was my best focus, but tarot, astral projection, crystals and other such new age stuff was also in my mojo bag.  Magic was still taboo for me then, and having been raised Catholic only doubled down on that dogma, but one cool, rainy spring evening, I made the decision to put my soul in jeopardy and give this LBRP thing a try.

My living room was quiet and dark, save for two lit tapers on a square end table, now situated in the middle of the room.  I sat down and started the four-fold breath, and I distinctly remember a loud boom from an M-80 going off, making me practically jump out of my skin.  I could have taken that as a sign and ran screaming from the room, but I instead chose to face my fear and do the LBRP anyway.  I took my time, taking great care in every little part of that ritual.  When I was done with the ending Qabalistic Cross, I sat back in my chair to feel the change in the room.  What I actually felt was a change in myself.  It was a change that I could not identify right away, but I soon realized that my mind was just as quiet as the room was.  Then I found the word for what I was feeling: serenity.  It was a feeling entirely foreign to me, but extremely comforting.  I was hooked.  My life changed forever that night.

The source from which I got my instructions for performing the LBRP?  "Modern Magick" by Donald Michael Kraig.  I spent the next six months working through the entire book.  The magic and meditations became a daily practice.  As my mind became healthier, I started to work on my body as well, and lost about 50 pounds overall.  I started gaining self-esteem and began to break out of my anxiety-ridden shell.  I became a healthier person.  I became a better person.  I started to attract better quality people into my life.  Those who were not good for me found creative ways to spin themselves out of my life.

Don wrote that "Magic is not something you do.  Magic is something you are."  I'm that period of time, I became magic, and I am forever in Donald Michael Kraig's debt for it.

So here I am, again on job assignment, when I got the news this morning that Don passed beyond the Veil into the Company of the Gods.  It was an inevitable, but very melancholy moment, and it was hard to focus on anything else throughout the day.  Fortunately for me, I had this little tool called the LBRP to get rid of those unhappy and distracting thoughts.  After that, my mind shifted towards contemplation and reminiscence of the magical life that started 24 years ago, thanks to Don and his seminal work.

I never met Don in the flesh, but had the good fortune to correspond with him through email regarding my research and writing on the Rosicrucian Vault, and got the chance to chat with him over the phone once for about half an hour. That was very special to me, and I was sure to thank him for what he did.  I wish his soul peace and godspeed.  I wish his family and cherished ones love and consolation.  If you can, please send a few dollars to help out with the outstanding medical bills.  As I personally move forward, I will continue to hold out the Lamp of Knowledge best I can, the same Lamp that Don made available to so many a generation ago.  How can I not?  Magic is not something I do.  Magic is something I am.

For those not already in the know, an urgent appeal was made for healing just a couple days ago.  Donald Michael Kraig, a well renowned and respected author in the esoteric community was recently diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

Don is best known for his book Modern Magick, first published in 1988.  Since then, it has gone through a couple evolutions, including a second edition having been published in 2001 and a twelfth lesson later added to the book in 2010.  His very approachable writing style made this a best seller and the premier "Magick 101" book of the time.  Many readers first cut their magical teeth on this book, including yours truly.  We are all affectionately referred to as "Don's Kids".

Nick Farrell has written a ritual and set up an event in Facebook to coordinate healing efforts for Don.  For those who do not have quite as much time, a simple Rose Cross Ritual can be used to send healing light as well.

Please join in this endeavor.  Don has changed many lives for the better.  Let's return the favor.



UPDATE:  The effort to "Heal Don Kraig" has now become a Facebook group.  

UPDATE 2:  Tabatha Cicero has posted a Rite of Healing on the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn blog.

UPDATE 3:  Don is home from the hospital!